The evening almanacSt. Louis editionSeptember 2026
For the daughter watching the door at dusk.
When the light goes, she reaches for her coat. This issue is for that hour.
A plain almanac for St. Louis families whose mother or father with dementia keeps trying to leave the house, set out in the order the evening arrives. Every number links to its source. Nothing here is medical advice.
If she is gone right now: search the house, the yard and the street. If you have not found her within 15 minutes, call 911 and tell the dispatcher she has dementia.
IDuskLate afternoon, before the lamps
Before the light goes: the first-steps sheet
The Alzheimer's Association describes sundowning as confusion and restlessness that can start at dusk and run into the night. You cannot move the sunset. You can move almost everything around it in one afternoon.
For the next dusk
Tape it inside a cupboard door. Every line is cited on the sources page.
- Early afternoon
Keep the day full enough and the nap short. The NIA notes that being overly tired can add to late-afternoon and early-evening restlessness.
- Before 4 p.m.
Turn the lamps on before the room dims, and put night lights along the path to the bathroom.
- Before 4 p.m.
Move the coat, the purse, the shoes and the car keys out of sight. The NIA wandering page lists all of them.
- At the door
Add a chime so a person hears the door open. A deadbolt goes above or below eye level. Never lock her in and leave.
- If she is gone
Search at once. At 15 minutes, call 911 and say dementia. Keep a recent photo on your phone.
Questions about sleep, medicines or a sudden change go to her doctor or pharmacist. This sheet is about the house and the hour.
You cannot move the sunset. You can move the coat.
IIEveningThe first try at the door
The doorway, where every argument is lost
She is standing in her own front hall, saying she has to get home. Or he is buttoning a coat for a job he left thirty years ago. The reflex is to correct. The Association's communication guidance says to avoid arguing and to avoid correcting, and the Family Caregiver Alliance suggests meeting the feeling before you try to redirect.
Out loud it is small. "You want to be home. Tell me about the house you grew up in." "It's cold, let's have coffee first." Then give her hands a job and turn the chair to face the room, not the door.
When the same hour keeps bringing the same try, write down the time and what came just before. Bring that page to her next appointment. It also tells you which hour needs another person.
Answer the feeling, not the address.
IIINightAfter the house goes quiet
The night belongs to someone who is awake
Six in 10 people living with dementia will wander at least once, according to the Alzheimer's Association. A chime and a hidden lock help. Neither one is a person, and at 2 a.m. that difference is the whole plan.
A daughter who sleeps with one ear on the latch is not resting, and the NIA links caregiving to sleep problems. A family rotation helps. Handing some nights to someone else helps more.
What non-medical help looks like for these hours
- The late-day shift
- A companion who arrives before dusk, lights the lamps, starts the tea and walks the hallway with her when the restlessness comes.
- Awake overnight presence
- Someone who stays up near the door and walks her back to bed without a scene. No restraints, no nursing tasks.
- Respite for you
- A standing afternoon or night so you can sleep or keep your own appointments. Aging Ahead lists in-home respite among its caregiver supports, as funding permits.
Private duty companion care in Missouri needs no physician's order, per DHSS, and it can start with a few hours at the worst time of day. Medicare does not pay for 24-hour-a-day care at home. We print no prices.
A chime tells you the door moved. A person hears it first.
IVEarly morningThe calls to make with coffee
In the morning, make the calls you could not make at midnight
After a long night, or the evening a neighbor walked her home, tell the neighbors and your police department she may walk, as the NIA suggests, then make these calls. Each number was checked on the organization's own page on 12 September 2026.
- Alzheimer's Association 24/7 Helpline800.272.3900Free, around the clock, 365 days a year. alz.org
- Aging Ahead, St. Louis County and three more(800) 243-6060St. Louis, St. Charles, Franklin and Jefferson counties. Caregiver line: (636) 207-0847. agingahead.org
- St. Louis Area Agency on Aging, city residents(314) 612-5918For a mother who lives inside the City of St. Louis. stlouis-mo.gov
- MedicAlert + Alzheimer's Association Safe and Found800-432-5378A safe-return program the NIA names. There may be a charge. nia.nih.gov
- Missouri Endangered Silver Advisory911 firstNo family hotline. After your missing person report, police can request one. mshp.dps.missouri.gov
More numbers, each with its source, are in Lifelines.
The almanac index: every piece, by the hour it answers
Eighteen pieces, each answering one question. New here? Take the path on Start here.
The late-day window
- 1What is sundowning and what do I do about it?The late-day window and a dusk routine to try tonight.
- 2Why does Mom get agitated every evening, and what can I change before dusk?Evening agitation as a clock problem, changed in order.
The doorway
- 3How to talk to someone with dementia who wants to leaveJoin the errand, answer the feeling, never argue the destination.
- 4Dad thinks he has to go to work. Dementia, and what do I say?Why correcting fails, and scripts for the feeling of duty.
- 5She does not recognize this house and wants to go home. What do I say?Home is a feeling, not an address.
- 6Why does Mom keep trying to leave the house, and what do I do in that moment?The moment, the house, and the hour she usually tries.
The house
- 7Is it safe to leave a parent with dementia alone? The questions to walk through honestlyThe stove, the phone, the door, and what each answer points to.
- 8How to keep someone with dementia from leaving the house at night: the safe-exit checklistChimes, hidden deadbolts, coats out of sight, never locked in.
- 9Dad keeps unlocking the door. How do I make the house safer without locking him in?A chime, a deadbolt he does not see, then a person.
- 10How do I know when Mom with dementia cannot be left alone anymore?You will not get a memo. The first frightening answer is it.
If she is gone
- 11What to do when someone with dementia wanders off: the first fifteen minutes, and how Missouri's Endangered Silver Advisory worksHouse, yard, street, then 911 and the word dementia.
- 12Mom was found wandering the neighborhood. What do I do now?She is home. Do not scold, and change the house tonight.
- 13How do I report a missing parent with dementia in Missouri, and what is a Silver Alert here?No family hotline: call 911 and file the report.
The night
- 14Dementia parent up all night: a night-shift plan for the family, and what an overnight caregiver does for someone who wandersA rotation on the refrigerator, and what overnight help does.
- 15I cannot sleep because I am listening for the door. What is a night plan that lets me rest?Chimes so you can sleep until the door actually opens.
Lifelines
- 16Alzheimer's Association St. Louis chapter helpline, and the other west county dementia lifelinesOne page of numbers and what each is for.
- 17Mom was just diagnosed with dementia. What do I do first?The first week after the diagnosis, in order.
- 18After a dementia diagnosis, what does the family checklist actually look like?Missouri papers, the family meeting, and the help to ask for.
If you are caring for your wife, Caring for My Wife is written for you. If Dad is on his own now, see Since Mom Died.
Paid notice, recommended local provider
Someone calm in the house for the hour that goes wrong
If the trouble starts at dusk, or at the door after midnight, tell New Plan Care Solutions which hours.
New Plan Care Solutions is independently owned and operated in St. Louis by Stacie Postol. It offers non-medical support at home, including companionship, personal care, homemaking and respite, across St. Louis and St. Charles counties. Caregivers are background-checked, plans are built with the family and changed when life changes, and help can begin with a few hours.
Disclosure: New Plan Care Solutions is a client of this site's publisher and compensates us for this placement. It is the only provider featured here, and the guides on this site are educational, not medical advice.
Kitchen-table questions
Mom only gets like this in the evening. Is that sundowning?
The Alzheimer's Association uses the word for confusion and restlessness that start late in the day and can run into the night. Whether that is what is happening to her is a question for her doctor. The dusk plan is worth trying either way.
Can I just lock the door so she can't get out?
A deadbolt placed above or below eye level can slow her down, but the Alzheimer's Association says never to lock a person with dementia in the house alone. A chime plus a person awake to hear it is the safer pair.
If she walks off, do I have to wait before I call the police?
No. Search right away, and if you have not found her within 15 minutes, call 911 and say she has dementia. That missing person report is what lets Missouri police ask for an Endangered Silver Advisory.
Will Medicare pay for someone to sit with her at night?
Medicare does not pay for 24-hour-a-day care at home, or for personal care when that is the only care she needs. Overnight companion hours are usually paid privately, by insurance, or through MO HealthNet if she qualifies.
Who do I call in St. Louis when I don't even know where to start?
The Alzheimer's Association 24/7 Helpline at 800.272.3900. Then Aging Ahead at (800) 243-6060 in St. Louis County, or the St. Louis Area Agency on Aging at (314) 612-5918 in the city.