Watching and Doing Are Different Jobs: Decide Which Dusk Hours to Hire

At dusk, two different jobs land on the same person. One is watching: staying close enough to see her, steering her away from the door, and talking her down when the mood turns. The other is doing: cooking, shopping, laundry, the pharmacy pickup, and phone calls. The watching job cannot be left half done. The doing job can usually wait an hour. Many families hire the wrong one, or try to do both alone.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Sort the evening into watching and doing

Write the late-day hours on a page, from the time she usually gets restless to the time she goes to bed. Mark each task. If the task needs your eyes on her, put it under watching. If it can happen in another room, on another day, or by someone who is not in the house, put it under doing. Dinner that needs the stove is watching if she is near the stove. Groceries are doing. A phone call is watching if she is awake and in the room.

Decide what to hire

Hire for the watching hours first if you cannot be in the room yourself. That helper needs to stay in the same space as her, know the door routine, and answer when she asks to go home. Hire for the doing hours when you cannot be in the house, or when you need time to rest. Errands can include a pharmacy pickup, but the medicine itself stays with the family, the doctor, and the pharmacist.

Questions to ask before you hire

Ask whether the person or agency will stay in the room with her during the hours you list. Ask how they handle a request to leave, and what they do if she heads for the door. Ask whether they will call you the moment she tries. Ask what they will not do, because a clear no is more useful than a long list of yeses. Ask how the hours are billed and whether the schedule can change, and get those answers in writing. Compare two or three candidates on these answers, not on who sounds most sure.

Keep one person on the hard hour

Even with help, decide who is responsible for the hour she usually leaves. If it is you, say so, and plan the errands around it. If it is the helper, put it in the schedule and check at the end of the week whether it held. The gap usually shows up at the handoff, not in the middle of the shift.

The Dusk to Morning guide puts the evening steps in order, so you can see where a helper fits.