The Respite Stay Is a Short Contract: Ask Five Questions About the Dusk Hours Before You Book a Few Nights

A short stay in a care setting can give your household a few nights of rest, and it can also give your mother a few nights in a strange room. Both things are true, and a good respite stay is built on asking the right questions before the bed is held. Treat the first call as a fit check, not a sales call.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Check the license first

Before you tour, look up the facility on the state's public search for licensed facilities, kept by the Missouri Department of Health and Senior Services. That record is a better starting point than any brochure. Read the most recent inspection report for anything about supervision, locked exits, or staff training in dementia care. Ask the facility to explain any item you do not understand. A good staff member will not mind.

Ask about the hour before dusk

Much of the difficulty on a short stay happens between late afternoon and the first hour of night, when a new room feels least like home. Ask what the schedule looks like from four to eight in the evening. Ask how many staff are on the floor in that window, whether the same aide stays with her through dinner and bedtime, and what the plan is if she asks to go home. Ask for the answer in the staff's own words. You want to hear how they would handle your mother, not a list of what they hope to offer.

Ask what happens at the door

Ask how the unit keeps its doors secured and how staff notice when a resident is headed for an exit. Ask whether she will have a name band, a photo on file, and a current description of her on hand. Then ask what the facility does when someone goes to the door, and whether they will call you right away. If you can, visit at dusk rather than at noon, and look at the exits yourself. Notice whether there is a calm place to sit near the entrance where she could rest without feeling trapped.

Ask who calls you, and when

Ask for the phone number the staff will use after hours, the name of the person who makes the call, and what counts as a reason to call during a short stay. Ask whether you may call at night to check on her. Write the answers down and read them back to the staff member. A short stay works best when the family knows who will reach them before anything goes wrong.

Read the terms before you sign

Ask for the agreement in writing before the first night. Look for how many days of notice you must give to cancel, what happens if she needs to leave early, and what you are expected to bring. Ask whether there is a short meeting before she goes home, so the staff can explain what they saw and what she needed. A stay that ends with a clear handoff is easier on everyone, including her.

If you are still deciding whether a short stay is the right step, the St. Louis help listed on Lifelines: Dementia Help in St. Louis can help you think through the options before you book. The sources behind these questions are on the Sources page.