A day program can give you a real afternoon back. It can also end at the exact hour the light goes down, and that is the hour that matters most in your house. Before you sign anything, put the program's schedule next to the time Mom usually starts to grow restless, and see whether the two overlap.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Match the closing time to dusk

Ask for the closing time in writing, then ask what happens on a day the van runs late. Ask whether staff stay until the last person is collected, and whether anyone is assigned to watch the door during pickup. Write the answers on the same page as the schedule. If the program closes before the late-day window begins, you are still the one covering that window, and you should know that before she starts.

Ask who signs her out

Find out whether the program keeps a sign-out log, and who is allowed to collect her. Ask what staff do when someone arrives who is not on the list, and what they do if Mom asks to leave with a friendly stranger. A well-run program will have an answer ready. If the answer is vague, ask to see the written policy before you commit to a schedule.

Ask what staff know about walking away

Ask whether the staff have been trained to notice when someone with dementia heads for the exit, and how they watch the doors during the day. Ask what they do when a participant gets up and goes toward the door, and whether they would call you first or emergency services. You are not testing them. You are learning what they will actually do in the moments when you are not there.

Look at the ride home

Ask who drives her, how long the ride takes, and whether she rides alone. If the van drops her at home, ask who will be waiting at the door when it pulls up. A program that closes at five and a ride that arrives at twenty to six leaves forty minutes of the hardest hour with no one in charge. Put the real drop-off time on your calendar, not the one printed on the brochure.

Ask for a short trial day first

Most programs will let you bring her in for a short visit before you commit to a schedule. Use it, and plan to be there near the time she would normally leave, not the time that suits you. Note whether she seemed settled, whether she tried the exit, and how she was when you picked her up. Bring those notes to the next conversation with the program.

Decide what still stays with your family

A day program takes one part of the day. It does not take the evening, the night, or the questions about her medicines, which stay with your family and her doctor. Write down the hours that remain yours, then name who covers each one. If you want the full run from dusk to morning in order, read Start Here: Dusk to Morning, in Order before you choose a schedule.

The Day Program Closes at Five: Check the Hours Against Dusk, the Sign-Out Rule, and Who Collects Her